ouch

my leg has been asleep FOR 25 MINUETS and my stomach fucking hurts.
It always seems to turn out this way for me. I have enough friends.
I really dug you. you liked a lot of the same crap as me.
oh well whatever.

That was fast.

Just a couple more days until the new year and I couldn't be more excited.
2009 was full of some really good highs, and some really low, lows. Somewhere between the 11 roommates, the Fresquez fiestas, moving, thelma problems, cancer scares, being broke, almost flying off a 7.000 foot cliff with erin and being more afraid then i ever have been, and changing jobs, I managed to for the most part, keep my sanity.
I met a lot of not so great people, and a lot of wonderful new people, and all in all had a pretty interesting, and productive year.
Can't wait to see what 2010 has in store.

here's some interesting wigs.

Melt banana on wednesdaaaayyyyy @#%K@%BN:L$K#% i'm so EXCITED!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D basically.

favorite song

24 days till christmas.

But none of your are getting anything that is'nt homemade. Seeing as I'm kind broke

So last night Mel and I sat around in her room wearing a Ed Hardy Tattoo sleeve shirt. Why do these even exist?...really now come on. We played music for her 13 year old brother and he eventually joined in. Which was completely adorable.
Hopefully this inspired him to continue on a path of good music taste.
After making horrible videos to Rob Zombies' Dragula I went home to sleep.
What a good night.
On a work related note, It looks like someone finally bought the 50 dollar crystal lamb statue from the Costco display case. I guess Tigger and Piglet will be lonely now.
Who's ever really going to buy that 65 dollar, 4 inch, crystal piglet statue? No one. That's who. Well, I guess I thought that about the lamb and I was proved very wrong.
I'm not in a friendly mood today, which is bad when you're a receptionist.
I just don't feel like dealing with people right now, or smiling. There's a note on the desk that says, "your 3'O clock appointment and 3:15 might not show up due to insurance issues" I hope they don't.

i'm tired

I'm in the mood to swim in the ocean

on the surface all the waves seem to have a nice pace
but underneath it all there's a bunch of human waste-
festering and rotting
and taking up space
so why the fuck should i swim in your toilet bowl?
BUT I do love to
chill out in the water and feel the current pull-
me out to nowhere where i can sick lower then my soooooooooooul
ooooooooooohhhhh bayyybeeehhhh

Maybe it's the constant surfing commercials that play in costco.
Winter just got here, and I'm over it. I'm ready for sweaty air, popsicles,oranges, flip flops, pools, the 126, swimming with dogs, and sand sticking to my legs.
yum

This monologue is so good.

I hate it when I drink coffee and then my teeth feel dirty. It drives me nuts.
Almost as nuts as it's a small world playing every 15 minuets in Costco. Really now?
Costco is not a small world. In fact it's rather large, people loose their children in here on a daily basis. One time a little boy wondered into our office only to ask me questions about Pokemon' for 30 minuets.. Luckily, being the old school Pokemon expert that I am, I entertained him till his grandma found him here. POLYWHIRL?!?! CHARIZARD?!?!? RHIHORN?!?!
What's up with the new Pokemon being robots and shit.
I'm not impressed.

This tea is way too hot. It's truly dgafinated.

oh excuse me,

I think my brain is half mood ring.

since when did you start feeling like the loose change that jingles around in peoples pockets
You know you need it, but it kinda just takes up space at the same time,
and no one really knows what to do with it.

I guess if you're a quarter you're the exception, they're pretty nice.

good jamz

blat blat blat blat
blat blat blat blat
blat blat blat blat
blat blat blat blat
blat blat blat blat
blat blat blat blat
blat blat blat blat
blat blat blat blat
when I look at him it's like I'm stepping into my own reflection
So I feel I gotta stop because I've never gone this direction
I'm jumping in head first
And I'm afraid I might loose control

but.
oh little johnny youre not like the other boys
You don't just talk to fill up the air with noise
oh little johnny your not like the other boys

uhh

I'm ready to move galaxies please.

oh yeah.

stop interfering
I hate you

I have wanderlust.

I really want to get out of California for awhile.
The grand canyon sounds really nice.
or maybe Seattle, or ....Kentuckaayyy?

whatever, all i know is that I want a dick towel for Christmas.

Patsy I love you

sometimes I truly think I was born in the wrong decade.

positive thinking, and excess amounts of tea got rid of my sickness.
Hooray! Take THAT tonsils!

such a good solo album

woowhooo

So I saw the Pixies last night, and it was amaziinnngg
They did such a good job!
What a fun night!

damn

life is too short

to worry about the small things,
to let your job ruin your day,
to not tell people how you feel,
to let something small stand in the way of your goals

:(

I remember taking the bus to school and home with you everyday for 8 years.
you were my neighbor, and my friend.
I loved talking to you and playing truth or dare.
you were such a good person
RIP Chris

I want to own a hundred wigs.

oh this too

iug97087tvre

I'm scared to go to the doctors.
Like way more scared then anyone even knows
I know the longer I wait the worse it will get. But I can't deal with that sort of news.
There's NO way I can deal with that right now
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
i need my boobs

Man i'm hungry

I hate waking up and playing farmville instead of eating. And I feel strangely hungry today. Maybe because I threw up all my disgusting La Cocina food from last night?
Diet Dr. Pepper tastes like poison right now... I mean, I know that it IS poison but it tastes particularly like it today.

Charles Bukowski, marry me

the flesh covers the bone 

and they put a mind 

in there and 

sometimes a soul, 

and the women break 

vases against the walls 

and the men drink too 

much 

and nobody finds the 

one 

but keep 

looking 

crawling in and out 

of beds. 

flesh covers 

the bone and the 

flesh searches 

for more than 

flesh. 

there's no chance 

at all: 

we are all trapped 

by a singular 

fate. 

nobody ever finds 

the one. 

the city dumps fill 

the junkyards fill 

the madhouses fill 

the hospitals fill 

the graveyards fill 

nothing else fills. 

beauty queen

That's All.

October I love youuuu

Man oh mannnnn October has to be hands down my favorite month.
Here's a bulk list of reasons why:
the temperature the temperature the temperature, Pumpkins! and the food that comes along with them (starbucks pumpkin scones, pumpkin pie, pumpkin beer, mothafuckin pumpkin EVERYTHANNG) pumpkin candles, pumpkin carving parties! HALLOWEEN! costumes, spooky feelings, Ghost hunting, parties, cuddling, creepy crawlys that
go bump in the night, dressing warmly, eating candy, dressing up lucifer lucyyyy!
:D

-_-

8 hour shifts with no break make me a very unhappy camper.

last night.

unresolved feelings, and unresolved tension, were finally resolved.
siiiiiiiiigh of relief
<3

dizzzyyyy

man these walls are closing in open up the vents!

my body is tired and my mind is spent.

fuck all this responsibility who made this plan up?

and how come when i think about it i feel like ill erupt?

I don't have enough time to worry about what I'm suppose to do

I don't care about having anything to show for myself when my life is through.

stiff

So i don't know why I keep allowing myself to miss class.
I certainly need some new faces around.

make it hot

I wrote this last week

and it makes me realize how insanely bipolar I am.

this week has really done a number on me.
Intense psychological mental breakdowns, along with alien encounters, uncertainty in everything, and feeling unfulfilled.
Part of me kinda of wishes that the ufo moment last night would have been way more intense.
I wouldn't mind them abducting me... hell, I would even let them probe me.
maybe.

why do i always have the strangest dreams?

Honestly, the strangest.
Take last night for instance,
I had a dream that I finally saved up enough money to buy a bulldog puppy.
After having it for a month I came home and it was gone, so i asked my mom and my sister about it and they had no idea what happened.
Weeks went by and it ended up coming back home, but when it came back it was all bloody and there were copper pipes shoved down it's throat.
I guess this means I shouldn't get a bulldog? lame.

yeah yeah yeahhh

I love being in a bad mood and having the littlest things turn it around; dogs hanging out of moving cars, polite children, good mix cds, and a cup of coffee.
I don't have enough hours in the day but life is goooooooood
My car doesn't like me anymore but life is goooooooood
Money's always tight but life is goooooooood
gooooood.
goood.
good.

it's really so bad

I can't stand TV anymore.

from terrible humorless sitcoms, to raunchy reality shows

just give me all 125 seasons of one life to live and ill be set for life.

funny how time changes NOTHING

Why does this still annoy me? Why do i even care?

It's really been too long for this to still annoy me. dammit.

oh and to you, I saw you in your pajamas in public the other day and it made me better about everything.  so thanks

Cabbage soup

welcome back into my life.

just thinking about things

that I like

the smell of laundry detergent, quiet, mangos, sand, beards,dressing people, my family,my friends, kissing, driving fast, driving slow, jack daniels, sunsets, sunsets over whites canyon, love, the ocean, being unimaginably sweaty in the best way, making people mix cds, falling asleep, late night terrible but great movies, hip hop, freestyling, acoustics, my bed, my dog, my unreliable car, theme parties,beautiful rhymes,red nail polish,photos, hair, singing mine and mels songs, screaming, good bargains, adrenaline, the sound my radio makes when you turn if off, singing, cuddling,writing tunes, romance, champagne, eating, fireworks, riding bikes, daisy's, non pretentious musicians, staying up super late and sleep walking up the stairs, playing, haircuts, most red wines, animals. graphic arts, marijuana, concerts, local crappy shows, getting dressed up, dr yasunari, gingers, my room, reminiscing, strawberries and cereal,pilates, swimming, dancing, eyes, perfect fitting broken-in pants,my fish, mels family, waking up with no alarm,drumnbassss, water, cranberry juice, being tired and having people pet my head, clear skin, toast with jelly, coffee, caffeine, magic, jewelry ,pretty makeup, giggly people, dimples, red lips, subcultures,myself

fuck you

damn straight I took your m&ms you bastard.


I hate when the lights are off and the closed sign is up but since im sitting in here people still try to open the door.
idiots

i want money yeah yeahhhh thats what i want.

Work would be way more boring without the internet. so thank you world wide web.
So much money flowing in lately but it's gone faster then i can deposit it.
Fucking responsibility and living. I'm about ready to sleep in my car and eat solely top ramen, so i cant reap the benefits of 450$ checks.
My car won't start which means i'm stuck sitting in this dark office for two hours until the Dr comes back.
I need a new car. Even though I've only had this one for 6 months..SUCH a waste of money. ...money that I don't have
shit now i have uncontrollable hiccups. And i have gross hiccups, like the kind that make me sound like I'm dying.

i want time to slip away 

let tomorrow be today

and the silver pink pony kisses me and says

why do i keep coming in and out of focus, literally?  One minute i feel fine but then i feel like i'm sleeping. oh well i'm most likely dying.

etta baby baby you sing to my heaarrttt

I'm so obsessed with love songs.  Or breakup songs for that matter.  They're just good and i don't why other peoples

pain makes me feel eased.  And i don't mean that in some creepy way, but in a way that I can't really understand .

someone buy me a new bass clarinet.  1450 for this new place. but it has three bedroom. man I don't even remember what privacy is anymore?

I'm tired of drinking very large portions of alcohol and smoking tons of weed because i'm bored/don't want to deal.

on that note.

i'm celibate now.

STUCK IN MY HEAD!

!$%)(JXF345#$R QFTWERG#($%&@~_

FUCK YOU GET OUTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!

I submit my incentive is romance
I watched the pole dance of the stars
We rejoice cause the hurting is so painless
From the distance of passing cars
But I am married to your charms and grace
I just go crazy like the good old days

Can you see what you've done to my heart, and soul?
This is a wasteland now.

So long Bernardo

So next month i'm moving out of the place i've been staying for the past year and a half. And during this time, i've realized that i've had more roommates then most people have in a life time.
lets seeeeee there's been,
Daniel, Juan, Tina, Lee-yin, Katherine, Ben, James, Christine, Abraham, Ethan, Elena and her FIVE Chihuahuas... that's eleven people.
Through this whole ridiculous experience, there were so many times when I wanted to punch out every one of them to be honest. BUT I will admit I learned a lot about people in general and a lot about myself. Living here helped me to become less selfish, and build up more patience. There's no use in getting overly annoyed at someone over their idiosyncrasies (as horrible as they may be.)
One things for sure though, 
I learned a lot of skeezy men and gigolos living here, ate a lot of zucchini ,and had some fabulous parties.

I dig this song.

fuck yessss

mmm scatter brainzz

I love my new job.  Working with older women who don't talk about their booty calls all the time and have interesting stories is really refreshing.  11 dollars an hour with free eye exams for myself and my family? pretty sweet.  

All i want to do lately is write write write lyrics these past couple of days, which is totally awesome because i've been in a funk.  I need to take time out to do this on a regular basis again because it helps me clear my head.  

Mannn! mo-town is seriously where it's at.  So much feeling in the music, so much passion it makes me crazy.  I LOVE it.  I hate how people can make a quick million off of some meaningless shit now-a-days, it's depressing.  Especially to people who actually care about music.  people who live it, breath it, love it.  Oh well, I still have faith that music will make a comeback.

speaking of I really don't know why i'm listening to the Toadies one hit wonder possum kingdom on repeat right now? Do you wanna dieeeeee???? haha well i suppose it has it's place.

honestly

Why is it that I seem to be drawn to situations that I know will end badly?

I hate investing myself into something just to have it end up nowhere.
I feel a really strong connection to you, and for some reason i'm totally comfortable.
..seriously? fuuuuck that phony bullshit. I feel like an idiot for letting passion overrule logic.
Why do you get to win? You really weren't that charming so don't get a big head.
well...I guess you kinda were.
I only really have myself to blame for ending up in these situations to begin with. fuck fuck fuck.

Over analyzation, and emotions will seriously be my downfall.

blogspot don't do me wrong.

So my livejournal decided to delete itself.  I'm not entirely sure why because I didn't violate any terms

besides my numerous amounts of nude photos.